Stable marriages: Are these man made?

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Ravneet Chawla (Human Development, Government College of Education, Panjab University, Chandigarh)

Marriage is a relationship of sanctity. Challenging situations are faced by not only the two individuals in a marriage, but their families too, as Indian marriage set up has had rituals and strings more closely knit than a legal sanction of the two. It is observed that things have changed in the last couple of decades faster than ever before. Traditionally, the timeline of life has a beautiful journey through planning a life around marriage. The positive side of the story has preserved our culture, unquestionably. The present qualitative research is an outcome of interviews from 10 couples who have had marriage of 30 years or more, and at present are a happy living couple. The objective was to understand the success stories and the reasons that helped their togetherness go on for this length, as compared to much short-lived marriages these days. Aspects of life were covered in the interviews touching upon financial, emotional, intimacy, family and extended family, household work and responsibilities, children, leisure and all other aspects they wished to share. The negative experiences and the way those were dealt with were also understood. The study shares interesting findings that point at strong behavioural aspects that can keep behind small issues. Traditional wisdom, positive assertiveness, courteous male behaviour, extended families, equalitarian trends were some of the strengths that kept the marriage of most stable. Some had a pleasant parallel positive engagement in their occupations and there was a deliberate space given but the family life was peaceful. Can we keep out violence from marriage? The study confirms it, and can be included in much required pre-marital counselling. The polite recommendations can go a long way to not go into legal battles and animosity towards the other one in an unsuccessful marriage.